I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
