We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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