when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
