When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
