his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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