My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
