pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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