I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
