Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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