No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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