my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
