No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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