pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I need to stop coming to work sober
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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