I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
