Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
