she was so not down for the gang bang
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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