He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize