New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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