Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
