just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I supernannyed him into submission
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
