Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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