It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
