Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You're a waste of cheezeits
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
