Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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