Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
