I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
