Acid is not a monday night drug
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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