I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
