if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
