I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
