tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
