what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
