I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize