i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
jump out the window naked night went bad
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
