i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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