My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
