Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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