Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
