i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
