just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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