saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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