Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
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You. Win. At. Life.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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