I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
