i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Welp...herpes.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
what is it with giant penises always finding me
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
