I wish my penis had an off switch
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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