I heard we made out
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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