The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I have feelings that need drinking.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
