Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
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