i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
