I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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