I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Pappa wants mamma naked
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
