i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
