Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
