You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
