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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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