Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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