i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize