Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Vodka?
Forever.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
