Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
