I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
