Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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