You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
