What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
