I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
