Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
