so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
