I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude i'm inner monologue high
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
