I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
