Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
