and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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