would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
