she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
