Having a random hookup so left but love u
he thought i was a dude.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
