these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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