dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
