whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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