awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
