Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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