he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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