i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
