stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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