She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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