How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize