I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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